i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
