Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
