saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
