Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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