We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, he came in my armpit
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
