I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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