At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
