half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
