i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
