i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
