I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
