I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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