I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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