Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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