Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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