Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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