I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
