my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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