Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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