Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
