five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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