I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
