He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
