That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize