The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
