Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she looked like the before picture.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
