Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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