I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
