I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He better not be in your backpack
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
