I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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