Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My friends, they love my intelligence

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  (303): My friends, they love my intelligence http://tfl.nu/tu5a
  Replies (2) Good night (1314) Bad night (710)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

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  (856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell http://tfl.nu/7uki
  Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (2311)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

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  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (8320) Bad night (1315)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything

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  (561): oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything http://tfl.nu/egks
  Replies (10) Good night (3717) Bad night (1479)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

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  (432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be
  Replies (18) Good night (3584) Bad night (1369)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.

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  (662): Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/exim
  Replies (6) Good night (2842) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.

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  (619): His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar. http://tfl.nu/lyc1
  Replies (8) Good night (2492) Bad night (914)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round

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  (215): there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round http://tfl.nu/fnz0
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (522)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation

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  (406): I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation http://tfl.nu/qkc0
  Replies (6) Good night (1615) Bad night (992)
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  (661): View more from California

  How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.

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  (661): How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents. http://tfl.nu/nsw6
  Replies (17) Good night (671) Bad night (1356)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.

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  (423): I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume. http://tfl.nu/wnwb
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.

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  (423): Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days. http://tfl.nu/aq3h
  Replies (3) Good night (1014) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.

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  (623): Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime. http://tfl.nu/nfvc
  Replies (5) Good night (849) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.

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  (530): Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber. http://tfl.nu/lvwx
  Replies (3) Good night (444) Bad night (657)
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  (818): View more from California

  Tell me how you feel about belly buttons

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  (818): Tell me how you feel about belly buttons http://tfl.nu/4apq
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (385)

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