Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

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  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2447) Bad night (914)
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  (212): View more from New York

  where am i from again

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  (212): where am i from again http://tfl.nu/9ocs
  Replies (6) Good night (2949) Bad night (565)
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  (661): View more from California

  May God have mercy on my new vibrator.

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  (661): May God have mercy on my new vibrator. http://tfl.nu/qino
  Replies (98) Good night (8485) Bad night (1014)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

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  (203): Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard http://tfl.nu/p7e3
  Replies (16) Good night (5122) Bad night (550)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

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  (917): i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities http://tfl.nu/habk
  Replies (30) Good night (7434) Bad night (2782)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.

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  (508): I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch. http://tfl.nu/jvw8
  Replies (22) Good night (1046) Bad night (7997)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

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  (256): It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.. http://tfl.nu/zyk4
  Replies (9) Good night (2575) Bad night (1121)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.

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  (734): So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things. http://tfl.nu/gsnh
  Replies (10) Good night (3759) Bad night (1070)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

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  (845): Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary' http://tfl.nu/zqo1
  Replies (7) Good night (2909) Bad night (1058)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.

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  (610): I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it. http://tfl.nu/ip0c
  Replies (6) Good night (1873) Bad night (710)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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  (215): It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it http://tfl.nu/0xgu
  Replies (9) Good night (1786) Bad night (721)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.

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  (780): He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up. http://tfl.nu/lxz2
  Replies (3) Good night (1252) Bad night (389)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...

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  (503): His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is. (1-503): It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin... http://tfl.nu/o5cf
  Replies (2) Good night (791) Bad night (507)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

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  (704): She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words http://tfl.nu/kxrj
  Replies (5) Good night (835) Bad night (267)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night

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  (239): I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night http://tfl.nu/ue4h
  Replies (2) Good night (442) Bad night (183)

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