Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

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  (760): Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match? http://tfl.nu/fgta
  Replies (24) Good night (921) Bad night (4610)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.

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  (614): This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old. http://tfl.nu/nedp
  Replies (105) Good night (1995) Bad night (5776)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person

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  (715): I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person http://tfl.nu/kk0f
  Replies (16) Good night (2684) Bad night (1043)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"

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  (403): Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters" http://tfl.nu/r2rb
  Replies (6) Good night (2621) Bad night (1375)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?

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  (603): Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night? http://tfl.nu/gcf5
  Replies (9) Good night (1691) Bad night (758)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.

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  (313): I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer. http://tfl.nu/dqld
  Replies (19) Good night (1490) Bad night (765)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him

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  (757): Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him http://tfl.nu/gn0k
  Replies (13) Good night (1124) Bad night (2362)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  I hope you fall on your chin.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Jealousy makes you ugly.

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  (802): I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore. (1-802): I hope you fall on your chin. (802): Jealousy makes you ugly. http://tfl.nu/isvw
  Replies (14) Good night (2918) Bad night (1126)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

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  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
  Replies (8) Good night (2396) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.

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  (214): I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick. http://tfl.nu/4v25
  Replies (8) Good night (1972) Bad night (588)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.

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  (570): After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother. (1-570): Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off. http://tfl.nu/5ewz
  Replies (6) Good night (1928) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.

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  (215): I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back. http://tfl.nu/mir2
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.

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  (925): Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer? (1-925): Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty. http://tfl.nu/4pgh
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (386)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.

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  (773): you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter. http://tfl.nu/7j29
  Replies (0) Good night (673) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?

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  (937): Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night? http://tfl.nu/ozns
  Replies (3) Good night (366) Bad night (143)

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