This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.