I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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