if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
