idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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