She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think my moral compass just broke
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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