Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
