Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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