I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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