Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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