yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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