That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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