It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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