I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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