Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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