And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
