My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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