you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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