I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
