the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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