watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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