I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
