I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am midnight drunk by noon
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
