i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
