I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
