So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
