Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
