Im at strip club and am horny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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