Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
