somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
