I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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