So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
