I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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