we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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