This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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