Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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