Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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